A Quick Remark

Image from: RozSheffield

I’m not sure how much of an epilogue I really want to give you, because I want to let you fill in the story yourself. The stories are based on my parent’s and sister’s experiences, but there are countless other lives affected the same way. Every conflict, every war, every time diplomacy doesn’t work, there are similar stories. Many of those stories don’t end happily. However, I felt like it needed a little bit of wrapping up, so here you go.

My parents celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this past January. Like all marriages, there have been ups and downs, but ultimately, they’ve lived life in love and happiness. My sister grew up and and became a nurse. She now has a fun and happy family with four kids. I was born in 1980 and work in IT, and if you normally read this blog you know I have the most amazing wife and the coolest and awesomest three kiddos in the world.

That’s the end of this journey. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading these stories, and I hope you will check out the book when it is published.

- a quick remark

Image from: 419.bittenus

Five years. Five years. Five whole years. I remember a year ago, I had to go on a work conference and it took me away from my wife and kids for 5 days and 4 nights. I hated going back to the hotel to go to bed alone. I felt like I called my wife five times a day and that still wasn’t enough. My parents dealt with not seeing each other for five years. Three of those years, they didn’t speak on the phone. They just worked to get back together. They had no updates from each other. They didn’t even know if the other was alive.

I don’t know how they survived, but I’m glad they did. I wouldn’t be here if they didn’t.

On Friday, June 16, 1978 at 6 PM, my dad eagerly awaited at an airport gate in NYC. After what seemed like a million people getting off the plane, my mom and sister stepped off the jet way. As they made eye contact, they rushed towards each other and embraced with all their might. They hugged and cried. I’m not sure how long they actually stood there, but I know it was a long time. Although, I bet to them, not long enough.

After those minutes flew by, the stood up, smiled, and walked away from the gate, hand in hand in hand. It had been entirely too long, but now they were together again and it was time to head into the future. Live life together.

Five years finally were over.

- a quick remark

Image from: Laurence & Annie

After their emotional call, my dad went to work. He did research and figured out where my mom and sister would end up. They would still be assigned a sponsor. Once that was determined, he focused on finding housing, a job, moving, and spoke to my mom and sister as much as he could. They scheduled times where she would have access to call him and they spoke often. He asked her about the years they were apart.

They had to re-acquaint themselves with one another. They hadn’t spoken in years, years that were extremely emotional and they both of them had changed. They were different people with only love and longing the emotions for each other. They caught up and enjoyed listening to each other. My mom and sister didn’t have much to do, so they could essentially relax. They had their house, they could go to the market and they were free. They were going to reunite with my dad once the paperwork was done.

In addition to all the logistical tasks, my dad figured out how to do something he hadn’t done in years. Something that he did on their first date. He figured out how to get my mom and my sister flowers.

- a quick remark

Image from: Sweet.Eventide

When my mom and sister were in the refugee camp, one of the guards was enamored with my mom. He kept trying to get her attention and would go out of his way to make sure my mom and sister were comfortable. He said that he would do anything for her, and if I’m not mistaken even asked her to stay with him. My mom couldn’t do any of that. She loved my dad, and wanted nothing more than to reunite her family.

What she did do, was ask the guard to do all he could to help connect her with my dad. The guard was not just a guard. He was pretty high up and figured out a better way for the US embassy to connect with my dad.

The day after my dad hung up on the phone call, he received a knock on the door. A civilian dressed man came into the living room and told my dad that my mom and sister had escaped and were in a refugee camp located in Malaysia.

My dad sat in disbelief. He couldn’t believe that it was actually true. He asked question after question after question. Mostly he asked when he could see his wife and daughter. Finally the man scheduled a phone call, and they connected.

After three years of not hearing each other’s voices, there wasn’t much talking, instead there was a lot of crying.

- a quick remark

Image from: LucasTheExperience

Now that my mom and sister were in the refugee camp, it was time to figure out how to get in touch with my dad. When she first got to the camp, she gave the people documenting everybody the information regarding my dad. She gave them his name, last known location, and last known contact information. After getting settled into a place to sleep she went on a search. She asked everybody about the process. How in the world was she suppose to get a hold of my dad? Who was she supposed to talk to? It’s not like there were phones sitting around. The response everybody gave her was wait.

How was she supposed to sit and just wait? How long did she have to wait? She didn’t want to risk her life to just sit in a camp for an extended period of time. She needed to reunite her family.

After a few days, she noticed that soldiers from all different countries would visit the came. They would call people in, and interview specific camp residents. That’s when she knew, she had to wait for the American soldiers. Two weeks went by before the American civil worker / soldier came and called my mom in.

It was a very stressful situation. No emotion or sympathy from the worker. He was all business. He grilled her on questions about my dad, about their situation, everything. When he was done questioning, he asked her to leave. No information on next steps or anything. He just said, “thank you, that will be all.”

The next day, my dad received a phone call asking him if he had a wife and child stuck in Vietnam after the war. He hung up. He didn’t believe them. He didn’t know they were from the US Embassy in Malaysia.

- a quick remark

Image from: Curtis Gregory Perry

Life in the refugee camp was a very different experience from one person to the next. Those that didn’t have any money, lived in dorm style and shared bathrooms. Not the most glamorous. However, if had the smallest amount of money, then you could live a relative royal life. My mom and sister were lucky enough to have money, specifically gold bars.

On the outskirts of the camp, there were little bungalow type houses that anyone could purchase or rent from the government. Actually, the only ones that could purchase those houses were people who had no reason to stay in Malaysia. Security was much more lax, but the reason was because these people were not going to want to sneak into Malaysia and stay there. They all had legitimate ties to family members in other countries.

My mom and sister fit the profile exactly. Malaysian officials knew that they were trying to reconnect with my dad in America, and that my mom had the money. So my mom and sister got their own little house, and for about a month, they got to live a relatively comfortable laugh. They could go into the city and buy fresh fruit. They could go shop.

Now they have to figure out how to actually reconnect with my dad.

- a quick remark

Image from: United Nations Photo

Everybody on my mom’s boat breathed a sigh of relief when the patrol boat ushered them into the harbor. They were out of Vietnam and now in another country. They were well on their way to finding freedom. When they all got off the boat, they were documented and pictured. My mom and sister actually have mug shots with a chalkboard sign listing their name and refugee number. My sister was 8 at the time. It’s weird to see such a picture of such a young child in one of those pictures. I can’t imagine my eight year old daughter having to hold one of those signs to pose for a picture.

After getting documented, they were shown where they would be sleeping. At that point, they were on their own. People at the camp helped each other out. They took each person in and showed them where to get food, where to clean up, and where to use the restroom. Most of the people in the camp had similar stories to my mom and sister. Most escaped the country and there was an instant bond shared between them.

Thank goodness Malaysia was getting funding from countries around the world that were involved in the Vietnam Conflict. They essentially gave Malaysia money to help house and facilitate the replacement of displaced South Vietnamese citizens.

- a quick remark

Image from: The Voyage Out

A Malaysian patrol boat approached the boat that my mom and sister were aboard. They came with a bull horn and first spoke in Malay. After realizing no one understood, they repeated their message in English. My mom had the most experience with English. She had take a couple years of English during the years my dad was at Vanderbilt. They said that Malaysia was full, and could no longer accomodate any further outsiders. The patrol insisted that the boat continue on their way or turn around and head back home.

My mother responded, “we seek freedom in leaving out country. We will wait here.”

They provided the boat with fresh water and bread and left them there.

The boat had decided that they would wait it out. They weren’t going anywhere. They knew it was Malaysia, and they did not want to risk any further travel, especially with the Thai pirate ships scouring the seas for similar boats to loot.

Every four or five hours, a patrol boat would approach and go through the same exchange. They insisted that my mom’s boat leave Malaysian waters. Every one on my mom’s boat agreed and were resolute to stay. They had food and water, and would stay as long they received any sort of help.

Finally, after the third day, the patrol boat signaled for my mom’s boat to pull up to the harbor.

- a quick remark